Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Chocolate Bar

Last week at a friend’s house, Bean had a biking accident…again. As I was trying to console her, she started screaming at me that she knew I wrote about her last accident on my blog. I have no clue how she knew that but she spent a good five minutes lecturing me about leaving her out of my blog. “Mom, that’s your blog and I don’t want it to be about me! If I wanted a blog about me, I’d make a blog!”  Sure she would, because she can read and all.  Maybe we should make Bean her own podcast…now, that’s an idea! 

Anyway, I haven’t written about her, or anything for that matter, since my last post. Not because nothing’s happened, but because they (the children) are not funny to me any more. They have been home with me since May 17th and school doesn’t start until September 4th here!  Just a few more weeks!  Today, Bean asked me why I haven’t been blogging. Again, I do not have a clue how she knows all this! She’s always been very intuitive but now I’m beginning to wonder whose blog this really is! She has now informed me, “If I’m funny and cute, you should probably write about me. People love me.” She definitely has no self-esteem issues!

Since I have permission from the bossy four year old to blog again, here’s the latest. 

I’ve been taking college classes online for quite a while now. Online seems great, right? Well, after today I’m convinced that actually attending college immediately after high school would have been a far better idea (should’ve listened to my parents) than taking classes with three children at home. I'm pretty sure I could’ve concentrated and studied much better drunk and/or hung over from too much college fun than I can with these three precious darlings in the house! 

The story began yesterday when Lulu got a chocolate bar from a friend for helping her son during the weekend.  Immediately, Bean wanted a chocolate bar too. Of course, I had some but it was almost bedtime and I know better than to give her chocolate right before bed. So, I bribed her, just a little. I told her if she went straight to bed and was good for Dad while I went to my meeting in the morning I’d bring her home a chocolate bar and we both held up our end of the deal. I got home about noon today and handed over the coveted Hershey’s Chocolate Bar and gave one to Dylan as well (he’d been a big help all weekend – or he just kept to himself and didn’t cause trouble).  Within a matter of 5 minutes Bean had eaten her candy and absconded with Dylan’s treat, which she devoured as well.

Do you know what two chocolate bars do to a four year old?!  I’ll tell you what happens…they turn into little chatterboxes with more energy than the Energizer Bunny! Evidently, Hershey Bars are also time released! When the high from the first one wears off (about 4 hours), the second buzz kicks in for another 4 hours!

The child talked and talked and talked and pestered her siblings and me and the dog!  Bless their hearts, Lulu and Dylan handled her very well; although they probably wanted to lock her in her room…I know I did!  Bean tormented her chickens, chasing them, pulling their feathers and at one point I caught her “bathing them” with the water spout in the back yard.  The water spout doesn’t have a “slow” option so not only were a few bathed in baby soap, I believe they were possibly water boarded at the hands of a crazed four year old on a sugar high.  It’s pretty hard for a chicken to have facial expressions but I’m certain one looked at me in complete disgust as I was trying to save her from further torment.  It seems as though chickens like to be bathed about as much as a cat does!  Hopefully the hens' new fresh lavender scent will keep the coyotes and hawks at bay for a few days.

The child talked incessantly. We’ve had countless discussions today. Well, they were pretty one sided discussions because I couldn’t get a word in edge wise. But she talked about her bugs she’s caught: moths, slugs, bees, ants, spiders, mosquito eaters, flies, worms, you get the picture. If it crawls, flies or burrows, this child has caught it at some point and she loves all her critters to death…literally. She talked about who she’s going to marry and informed me that I better break up with Daddy because she’s going to marry him…sweet but eeewww!  She told me all about her Bigfoot hunting she’s been doing and then yelled at me that she hasn’t met a princess yet.  I could go on for quite a while about the crazy things she talked about but I think at around 4 o’clock all I started hearing was “Wa wa wa wa wa wa.”

Around dinnertime she brought be outside to see what she’d done.  She had set up her own little picnic with a small table and two chairs for a “wedding dinner” (not sure what that means). It was quite cute so I played along.  I sat in amazement and watched her carry on a full conversation with an ant she captured and a stuffed pooh bear.  I have rarely seen Bean engage in pretend play so I’m sure this was all the chocolate talking.  She was completely crazed and now talking to anything! 

Clearly, I got very little homework completed today. What I did get done was after I begged her to just sit down for five minutes and try her hardest to not talk.  She asked if I’d give her another chocolate bar if she was good and I did not fall for that again…and I won’t ever again!  Instead, I promised her we’d go get her favorite baby grapes tomorrow.  I think it took her about two and a half minutes before we all looked over and she was racked out…and out of fear for waking her precious highness, she’s staying on the couch until morning!

In my defense, I really didn’t think the chocolate would make her THAT crazy and I never intended for her to have two! I was smart enough not to let her have it before bedtime the night before. Next time, I’ll give her one or two before I leave her with Dad for the day! *insert wicked laugh here* 

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